Printing the morning roast...

The Daily Roast

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\"Main — An artist's interpretation of the ensuing chaos.

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\n\n\n`;\n}\n\n// --- API & AI HELPERS ---\n\n/**\n * Fetches news from multiple public RSS feeds.\n */\nasync function fetchTopHeadlines() {\n const RSS_FEEDS = [\n \"http://feeds.reuters.com/reuters/topNews\",\n \"https://feeds.bbci.co.uk/news/world/rss.xml\",\n \"https://rss.nytimes.com/services/xml/rss/nyt/World.xml\",\n \"http://feeds.arstechnica.com/arstechnica/index\",\n ];\n\n const fetchAndParseFeed = async (url) => {\n try {\n const response = await fetch(url, {\n headers: {\n \"User-Agent\": \"FreshRSS/1.20.0 (Linux; https://freshrss.org)\",\n },\n });\n if (!response.ok) {\n throw new Error(`Failed to fetch feed: ${response.statusText}`);\n }\n const xml = await response.text();\n const feed = await parseFeed(xml);\n\n return feed.entries.map((entry) => {\n const title = entry.title?.value;\n const rawDescription = entry.description?.value;\n // Strip HTML tags for a clean description\n const description = rawDescription\n ? rawDescription.replace(/<[^>]*>?/gm, \"\")\n : \"\";\n\n // Extract image URL from various possible locations in the feed item\n let imageUrl = null;\n if (entry.media?.thumbnail?.url) { // BBC style\n imageUrl = entry.media.thumbnail.url;\n } else if (entry[\"media:content\"]?.[0]?.url) { // Reuters style\n imageUrl = entry[\"media:content\"][0].url;\n } else if (entry.enclosures?.[0]?.url?.includes(\"jpg\")) { // Other potential enclosures\n imageUrl = entry.enclosures[0].url;\n }\n\n return { title, description, urlToImage: imageUrl };\n });\n } catch (error) {\n console.error(`Error processing feed ${url}:`, error.message);\n return []; // Return empty array for this feed on failure\n }\n };\n\n const allArticlePromises = RSS_FEEDS.map(fetchAndParseFeed);\n const settledResults = await Promise.allSettled(allArticlePromises);\n\n let articles = settledResults\n .filter((result) => result.status === \"fulfilled\")\n .flatMap((result) => result.value);\n\n // Filter out any articles that couldn't be parsed properly or lack key info\n articles = articles.filter((a) => a.title && a.description && a.urlToImage);\n\n // Shuffle the combined list to ensure variety at the top of the page\n for (let i = articles.length - 1; i > 0; i--) {\n const j = Math.floor(Math.random() * (i + 1));\n [articles[i], articles[j]] = [articles[j], articles[i]];\n }\n\n return articles.slice(0, 10);\n}\n\nasync function safeJsonParse(text) {\n try {\n const match = text.match(/\\{.*\\}/s);\n if (!match) {\n throw new Error(\"No JSON object found in the response.\");\n }\n return JSON.parse(match[0]);\n } catch (error) {\n console.error(\"Failed to parse AI response:\", error);\n console.error(\"Original text:\", text);\n return null;\n }\n}\n\nasync function roastArticle(article, openai, prompt) {\n try {\n // Ensure description is not excessively long for the API call\n const description = article.description.length > 400\n ? article.description.substring(0, 400) + \"...\"\n : article.description;\n const userContent =\n `Headline: \"${article.title}\"\\nDescription: \"${description}\"`;\n\n const completion = await openai.chat.completions.create({\n model: \"gpt-4o\",\n messages: [\n { role: \"system\", content: prompt },\n { role: \"user\", content: userContent },\n ],\n temperature: 0.8,\n response_format: { type: \"json_object\" },\n });\n const content = completion.choices[0].message.content;\n const roastedData = await safeJsonParse(content);\n\n if (!roastedData) return null;\n\n return {\n ...roastedData,\n imageUrl: article.urlToImage,\n originalHeadline: article.title,\n };\n } catch (error) {\n console.error(`Error roasting article \"${article.title}\":`, error);\n return null;\n }\n}\n\n// --- MAIN EXPORTED HANDLER ---\n\nexport default async function (req: Request) {\n const url = new URL(req.url);\n const action = url.searchParams.get(\"action\");\n\n if (action === \"getNews\") {\n try {\n const openai = new OpenAI();\n const articles = await fetchTopHeadlines();\n\n if (articles.length < 5) {\n throw new Error(\n \"Not enough valid news articles fetched from RSS feeds to generate the paper.\",\n );\n }\n\n // Generate all AI content in parallel for efficiency\n const [\n mainStory,\n secondaryStory,\n tertiaryStory,\n ...sidebarArticles\n ] = await Promise.all([\n roastArticle(articles[0], openai, ROAST_ARTICLE_PROMPT),\n roastArticle(articles[1], openai, ROAST_ARTICLE_PROMPT),\n roastArticle(articles[2], openai, ROAST_ARTICLE_PROMPT),\n ...articles.slice(3, 7).map((article) =>\n roastArticle(article, openai, ROAST_BLURB_PROMPT)\n ),\n ]);\n\n const payload = {\n mainStory,\n secondaryStory,\n tertiaryStory,\n sidebarBlurbs: sidebarArticles.filter(Boolean), // Filter out any null results from failed AI calls\n };\n\n return new Response(JSON.stringify(payload), {\n headers: { \"Content-Type\": \"application/json\" },\n });\n } catch (error) {\n console.error(\"Error in getNews action:\", error);\n return new Response(JSON.stringify({ error: error.message }), {\n status: 500,\n headers: { \"Content-Type\": \"application/json\" },\n });\n }\n }\n\n // Default GET request serves the HTML page\n const sourceUrl = `https://${url.hostname}${url.pathname}`;\n return new Response(generateHtml(sourceUrl), {\n headers: { \"Content-Type\": \"text/html\" },\n });\n}","deleted","label",[114],"pulls",1,"forks","envVars",{"_136":53,"_138":53},"connections",{"_136":53,"_137":53},"count","unfilledCount","emptyCount",{"_20":113,"_13":114,"_115":47,"_116":-5,"_117":21,"_118":30,"_119":49,"_22":140,"_29":121,"_122":123,"_124":125,"_126":38,"_127":-5,"_141":142,"_89":143},["D",1760388918242],"children",[],[114],["D",1760388716918],{"_11":12,"_87":83},{"_11":12,"_81":-5,"_82":83,"_44":45,"_84":85,"_86":38},{"_29":30,"_13":26,"_20":21,"_27":28,"_31":-5,"_32":-5,"_76":-5,"_77":-5,"_78":-5,"_79":14,"_80":12},"ctx",{"_69":-5,"_109":181,"_182":183,"_184":185,"_186":38,"_187":38,"_188":38,"_189":49,"_190":-5,"_191":-7,"_192":-7,"_193":53,"_194":38,"_195":38,"_196":-5,"_197":38,"_198":38,"_199":38,"_200":-5},"ENV",{"_152":153,"_154":155,"_156":26,"_157":158,"_159":160,"_161":162,"_163":164,"_165":166,"_167":168,"_169":170,"_171":172,"_173":174,"_175":176,"_177":178,"_179":180},"REACT_APP_SENTRY_DSN","https://586020d86f05489db63a554690acf1e9@o1398359.ingest.sentry.io/6724499","RENDER_GIT_COMMIT","e87eb04e707cf64e7e532c8e8ec395f209e17f15","RENDER_GIT_BRANCH","POSTHOG_API_TOKEN","phc_nmoyuAkStEZuUp69rYlg1DZgrIt19Gx0Y4Hwf8tGgJP","POSTHOG_API_HOST","https://wart.val.town","WEB_API_TEMPLATE","https://{val}.web.val.run","APP_URL","https://www.val.town","MODULE_URL","https://esm.town","VANITY_WEB_API_TEMPLATE","https://{label}.val.run/","DENOLS_URL","https://lsp.val.town","NODE_ENV","production","CLOUDFLARE_TURNSTILE_SITE_KEY","0x4AAAAAACtaIZJH7s9rBMZ6","GOOGLE_CLIENT_ID","875989696899-jtsqkhlbdv5jrlsk8631p7ipjg3c6o62.apps.googleusercontent.com","STRIPE_PUBLISHABLE_KEY","pk_live_51N2zvWEpZTTLipIkVEwXrUG9AT0yeOOEYxszarZT1jpsZV58Ly6wlg3SltZpHN26CUalOBmUSY7adQRQiSkCZz2500qSXNkf8Y","API_URL","https://api.val.town",[],"preferencesKeybindings","default","preferencesTheme","light","preferencesFixers","preferencesCopilot","preferencesSelectionAi","preferencesCloseBrackets","preferencesChatPanelState","preferencesDprint","preferencesDenofmt","notificationCount","flagDenols","isBusinessOrgMember","businessOrgHandle","isBusinessOrgAdmin","isHigherTownieTier","navCollapsed","currentOrgId"]

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