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I'll wait, actually don't, it wasn't that deep\",\n \"the aim today is giving 'used controller from a garage sale'\",\n \"that death was so avoidable even the enemy team felt bad for a second\",\n \"not the streamer blaming ping for a decision made with their eyes closed\",\n \"bro really said 'trust me' and then immediately did not trust himself\",\n \"the confidence:skill ratio in this chat is genuinely unmatched\",\n \"that was a bold strategy, let's see if it pays off (it did not)\",\n \"certified 'I meant to do that' moment right there\",\n \"the reaction time on that was measured in geological eras\",\n \"somewhere a coach is watching this and quietly resigning\",\n \"that rotation was so late it should send an apology email\",\n \"10/10 decision making, 0/10 execution, math ain't mathing\",\n \"chat's been carrying this stream harder than the actual gameplay\",\n \"we just witnessed a masterclass in how NOT to do that\",\n \"the mechanical skill is there, the game sense took the day off\",\n \"that clip is going straight to the 'why we can't have nice things' folder\",\n \"put some respect on that death, it was truly a group effort\",\n \"the confidence going in vs the silence coming out, incredible arc\",\n \"not gonna lie that was almost impressive in how wrong it went\",\n \"someone check on the keyboard, it did not deserve that\",\n \"that build path had less direction than a GPS with no signal\",\n \"chat gave better advice in the last five seconds than that whole death\",\n \"the ultimate got used like a fire alarm during a pop quiz\",\n \"you could see that punish coming from three towns over\",\n \"the itemization on this run screams 'first day back from vacation'\",\n \"that dodge roll rolled straight into the enemy's open arms\",\n \"the map awareness just clocked out early today\",\n \"not the streamer discovering gravity the hard way, again\",\n \"that combo dropped faster than a hot mic during a rant\",\n \"the positioning there was less 'strategic retreat' more 'wrong turn'\",\n \"somewhere a tutorial NPC is filing a formal complaint\",\n \"the cooldown management is giving 'forgot I own abilities'\",\n \"that was less a clutch play and more a cry for help\",\n \"the resource management just declared bankruptcy\",\n \"chat's collective sigh could be heard from orbit\",\n \"the target priority list apparently starts with 'whoever's scariest'\",\n \"that flick shot flicked absolutely nowhere useful\",\n \"the game plan lasted exactly as long as the loading screen\",\n \"somebody wake the minimap up, it's clearly asleep on the job\",\n \"the risk assessment here reads 'yolo, hope for the best'\",\n \"that was a 200 IQ play trapped in a 2 IQ execution\",\n \"the enemy team is sending a thank-you card as we speak\",\n \"positioning like that belongs in a highlight reel of what not to do\",\n \"the ult charge just got donated straight to the other team\",\n \"that peek was bolder than the read that justified it\",\n \"chat's been calling the death before it even happens now\",\n \"the muscle memory clearly took today off\",\n \"that engage had all the confidence and none of the plan\",\n \"the fog of war couldn't hide that from being a bad idea\",\n \"somewhere a speedrunner is weeping at that route choice\",\n \"that play aged like milk in direct sunlight\",\n \"the skill gap just filed for divorce from the confidence\",\n \"watching that death was more painful than the death itself\",\n \"that's not a strategy, that's a cry for help with extra steps\",\n \"the enemy didn't outplay you, you just outperformed yourself at losing\",\n \"that decision should come with a warning label\",\n \"chat's seen better game sense from the loading screen tips\",\n \"the only thing that combo landed was disappointment\",\n \"that was less 'big brain' more 'no brain'\",\n \"somebody revoke the controller privileges\",\n \"the reaction time just applied for early retirement\",\n \"that play belongs in a museum under 'ancient mistakes'\",\n \"the only clutch happening here is how hard you're clutching defeat\",\n \"that read was so wrong it looped back around to impressive\",\n\n // mario-flavored\n \"that fall took longer than Mario's descent into a bottomless pit, and hurt just as much\",\n \"you handled that pressure about as well as Bowser handles parenting\",\n \"that death was giving 'touched a Goomba on day one' energy\",\n \"the panic there was pure 'lost your last life on World 8-4' vibes\",\n \"that decision had the foresight of running straight into a Koopa shell\",\n \"somewhere a 1-Up mushroom is rolling its eyes at that wasted life\",\n];\n\nfunction getRandomRoast(): string {\n return ROASTS[Math.floor(Math.random() * ROASTS.length)];\n}\n\nasync function ensureTables() {\n await sqlite.execute(`\n CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS channels (\n broadcaster_id TEXT PRIMARY KEY,\n broadcaster_login TEXT,\n se_channel_id TEXT,\n se_jwt_token TEXT,\n enabled INTEGER DEFAULT 1,\n added_at INTEGER\n )\n `);\n await sqlite.execute(`\n CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS kv (\n key TEXT PRIMARY KEY,\n value TEXT\n )\n `);\n try {\n await sqlite.execute(`ALTER TABLE channels ADD COLUMN se_jwt_token TEXT`);\n } catch {\n // Column already exists — fine.\n }\n try {\n await sqlite.execute(\n `ALTER TABLE channels ADD COLUMN enabled INTEGER DEFAULT 1`,\n );\n } catch {\n // Column already exists — fine.\n }\n}\n\nasync function getKv(key: string): Promise {\n const result = await sqlite.execute({\n sql: \"SELECT value FROM kv WHERE key = :k\",\n args: { k: key },\n });\n // Note: std/sqlite returns rows as arrays, not objects.\n return result.rows.length ? (result.rows[0][0] as string) : null;\n}\n\nasync function setKv(key: string, value: string) {\n await sqlite.execute({\n sql: `INSERT INTO kv (key, value) VALUES (:k, :v)\n ON CONFLICT(key) DO UPDATE SET value = excluded.value`,\n args: { k: key, v: value },\n });\n}\n\nasync function getAppAccessToken(): Promise {\n const cachedRaw = await getKv(\"app_token\");\n if (cachedRaw) {\n const cached = JSON.parse(cachedRaw);\n if (cached.expires_at > Date.now() + 60_000) return cached.access_token;\n }\n\n const res = await fetch(\"https://id.twitch.tv/oauth2/token\", {\n method: \"POST\",\n headers: { \"Content-Type\": \"application/x-www-form-urlencoded\" },\n body: new URLSearchParams({\n client_id: CLIENT_ID,\n client_secret: CLIENT_SECRET,\n grant_type: \"client_credentials\",\n }),\n });\n if (!res.ok) {\n throw new Error(\n `App access token fetch failed: ${res.status} ${await res.text()}`,\n );\n }\n const data = await res.json();\n const token = {\n access_token: data.access_token,\n expires_at: Date.now() + data.expires_in * 1000,\n };\n await setKv(\"app_token\", JSON.stringify(token));\n return token.access_token;\n}\n\nasync function getRandomQuote(\n seChannelId: string,\n seJwtToken: string,\n): Promise {\n try {\n const res = await fetch(\n `https://api.streamelements.com/kappa/v2/bot/quotes/${seChannelId}`,\n {\n headers: {\n Authorization: `Bearer ${seJwtToken}`,\n },\n },\n );\n if (!res.ok) {\n console.error(\n `StreamElements quotes fetch failed for channel ${seChannelId}:`,\n res.status,\n await res.text(),\n );\n return null;\n }\n const data = await res.json();\n const quotes = Array.isArray(data) ? data : data?.quotes;\n if (!Array.isArray(quotes) || quotes.length === 0) {\n console.log(\n `StreamElements returned no quotes array for channel ${seChannelId}:`,\n JSON.stringify(data).slice(0, 200),\n );\n return null;\n }\n const pick = quotes[Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length)];\n const text = pick?.text?.trim();\n if (!text) return null;\n return pick.id != null ? `Quote #${pick.id}: \"${text}\"` : `\"${text}\"`;\n } catch (err) {\n console.error(\"StreamElements fetch error:\", err);\n return null;\n }\n}\n\nasync function sendChatMessage(\n accessToken: string,\n botUserId: string,\n broadcasterId: string,\n message: string,\n) {\n const res = await fetch(\"https://api.twitch.tv/helix/chat/messages\", {\n method: \"POST\",\n headers: {\n \"Client-Id\": CLIENT_ID,\n \"Authorization\": `Bearer ${accessToken}`,\n \"Content-Type\": \"application/json\",\n },\n body: JSON.stringify({\n broadcaster_id: broadcasterId,\n sender_id: botUserId,\n message,\n }),\n });\n const body = await res.json().catch(() => null);\n if (!res.ok || body?.data?.[0]?.is_sent === false) {\n console.error(\n `Failed to send to ${broadcasterId}:`,\n res.status,\n JSON.stringify(body),\n );\n } else {\n console.log(`Sent to ${broadcasterId}: ${message}`);\n }\n}\n\nexport default async function (interval: Interval) {\n await ensureTables();\n\n const botEnabled = await getKv(\"bot_enabled\");\n if (botEnabled === \"0\") {\n console.log(\"Bot is turned off (bot_enabled=0) — skipping this run.\");\n return;\n }\n\n const botUserId = await getKv(\"bot_user_id\");\n if (!botUserId) {\n console.log(\n \"Bot account not authorized yet — visit /auth/bot-setup on the invite val first.\",\n );\n return;\n }\n\n const { rows } = await sqlite.execute(\n \"SELECT broadcaster_id, broadcaster_login, se_channel_id, se_jwt_token, enabled FROM channels\",\n );\n if (!rows.length) {\n console.log(\"No channels installed yet.\");\n return;\n }\n\n const accessToken = await getAppAccessToken();\n\n for (const row of rows) {\n const broadcasterId = row[0] as string;\n const broadcasterLogin = row[1] as string;\n const seChannelId = row[2] as string | null;\n const seJwtToken = row[3] as string | null;\n const channelEnabled = row[4] === null || row[4] === undefined\n ? true\n : Number(row[4]) === 1;\n\n if (!channelEnabled) {\n console.log(`Skipping ${broadcasterLogin}: paused for this channel.`);\n continue;\n }\n\n if (Math.random() > POST_PROBABILITY) continue;\n\n let message: string | null = null;\n if (seChannelId && seJwtToken && Math.random() < QUOTE_PROBABILITY) {\n message = await getRandomQuote(seChannelId, seJwtToken);\n }\n if (!message) message = getRandomRoast();\n\n console.log(`Posting to ${broadcasterLogin} (${broadcasterId})`);\n await sendChatMessage(accessToken, botUserId, broadcasterId, message);\n }\n}","// Val Town Cron Val — UndercoverBurn poster\n// ---------------------------------------------\n// Set this val's trigger type to \"Cron\" (e.g. every 5 minutes).\n// On each run it loops over every channel that has installed the bot\n// (via the companion undercoverburn-invite.ts val) and, per channel,\n// rolls the dice on whether to post — and whether to post a roast or a\n// random quote pulled from THAT channel's own StreamElements !quote\n// list.\n//\n// NEW: a channel is skipped entirely unless at least MIN_NEW_MESSAGES\n// (default 5) new chat messages have come in since the bot's last post\n// there. That counter is maintained by the companion invite val's\n// EventSub webhook (/eventsub/callback) — see undercoverburn-invite.ts\n// for the read-chat setup this requires. This val just reads the\n// counter and resets it to 0 after a successful post.\n//\n// Requires the same Environment Variables as undercoverburn-invite.ts:\n// TWITCH_CLIENT_ID\n// TWITCH_CLIENT_SECRET\n// Optional:\n// MIN_NEW_MESSAGES <- overrides the default minimum of 5\n//\n// Reads shared data (installed channels, the bot's user id, cached app\n// token) from the same account-wide SQLite database via std/sqlite's\n// \"global\" connection — no manual bot user id needed, it's captured\n// automatically during /auth/bot-setup.\n\nimport { sqlite } from \"https://esm.town/v/std/sqlite/global.ts\";\n\n// Chance (0-1) a given INSTALLED CHANNEL gets a message on any run\n// (only rolled for channels that have already crossed MIN_NEW_MESSAGES).\nconst POST_PROBABILITY = 0.75;\n// Of the runs that do post, chance it's a quote vs. a roast.\nconst QUOTE_PROBABILITY = 0.35;\n// Minimum new chat messages (since the bot's last post) required\n// before the bot will post at all. Overridable via env var.\nconst MIN_NEW_MESSAGES = Number(Deno.env.get(\"MIN_NEW_MESSAGES\") ?? \"5\");\n\nconst CLIENT_ID = Deno.env.get(\"TWITCH_CLIENT_ID\")!;\nconst CLIENT_SECRET = Deno.env.get(\"TWITCH_CLIENT_SECRET\")!;\n\nconst ROASTS: string[] = [\n // general\n \"chat, rate this play 1-10... I'll wait, actually don't, it wasn't that deep\",\n \"the aim today is giving 'used controller from a garage sale'\",\n \"that death was so avoidable even the enemy team felt bad for a second\",\n \"not the streamer blaming ping for a decision made with their eyes closed\",\n \"bro really said 'trust me' and then immediately did not trust himself\",\n \"the confidence:skill ratio in this chat is genuinely unmatched\",\n \"that was a bold strategy, let's see if it pays off (it did not)\",\n \"certified 'I meant to do that' moment right there\",\n \"the reaction time on that was measured in geological eras\",\n \"somewhere a coach is watching this and quietly resigning\",\n \"that rotation was so late it should send an apology email\",\n \"10/10 decision making, 0/10 execution, math ain't mathing\",\n \"chat's been carrying this stream harder than the actual gameplay\",\n \"we just witnessed a masterclass in how NOT to do that\",\n \"the mechanical skill is there, the game sense took the day off\",\n \"that clip is going straight to the 'why we can't have nice things' folder\",\n \"put some respect on that death, it was truly a group effort\",\n \"the confidence going in vs the silence coming out, incredible arc\",\n \"not gonna lie that was almost impressive in how wrong it went\",\n \"someone check on the keyboard, it did not deserve that\",\n \"that build path had less direction than a GPS with no signal\",\n \"chat gave better advice in the last five seconds than that whole death\",\n \"the ultimate got used like a fire alarm during a pop quiz\",\n \"you could see that punish coming from three towns over\",\n \"the itemization on this run screams 'first day back from vacation'\",\n \"that dodge roll rolled straight into the enemy's open arms\",\n \"the map awareness just clocked out early today\",\n \"not the streamer discovering gravity the hard way, again\",\n \"that combo dropped faster than a hot mic during a rant\",\n \"the positioning there was less 'strategic retreat' more 'wrong turn'\",\n \"somewhere a tutorial NPC is filing a formal complaint\",\n \"the cooldown management is giving 'forgot I own abilities'\",\n \"that was less a clutch play and more a cry for help\",\n \"the resource management just declared bankruptcy\",\n \"chat's collective sigh could be heard from orbit\",\n \"the target priority list apparently starts with 'whoever's scariest'\",\n \"that flick shot flicked absolutely nowhere useful\",\n \"the game plan lasted exactly as long as the loading screen\",\n \"somebody wake the minimap up, it's clearly asleep on the job\",\n \"the risk assessment here reads 'yolo, hope for the best'\",\n \"that was a 200 IQ play trapped in a 2 IQ execution\",\n \"the enemy team is sending a thank-you card as we speak\",\n \"positioning like that belongs in a highlight reel of what not to do\",\n \"the ult charge just got donated straight to the other team\",\n \"that peek was bolder than the read that justified it\",\n \"chat's been calling the death before it even happens now\",\n \"the muscle memory clearly took today off\",\n \"that engage had all the confidence and none of the plan\",\n \"the fog of war couldn't hide that from being a bad idea\",\n \"somewhere a speedrunner is weeping at that route choice\",\n \"that play aged like milk in direct sunlight\",\n \"the skill gap just filed for divorce from the confidence\",\n \"watching that death was more painful than the death itself\",\n \"that's not a strategy, that's a cry for help with extra steps\",\n \"the enemy didn't outplay you, you just outperformed yourself at losing\",\n \"that decision should come with a warning label\",\n \"chat's seen better game sense from the loading screen tips\",\n \"the only thing that combo landed was disappointment\",\n \"that was less 'big brain' more 'no brain'\",\n \"somebody revoke the controller privileges\",\n \"the reaction time just applied for early retirement\",\n \"that play belongs in a museum under 'ancient mistakes'\",\n \"the only clutch happening here is how hard you're clutching defeat\",\n \"that read was so wrong it looped back around to impressive\",\n\n // mario-flavored\n \"that fall took longer than Mario's descent into a bottomless pit, and hurt just as much\",\n \"you handled that pressure about as well as Bowser handles parenting\",\n \"that death was giving 'touched a Goomba on day one' energy\",\n \"the panic there was pure 'lost your last life on World 8-4' vibes\",\n \"that decision had the foresight of running straight into a Koopa shell\",\n \"somewhere a 1-Up mushroom is rolling its eyes at that wasted life\",\n];\n\nfunction getRandomRoast(): string {\n return ROASTS[Math.floor(Math.random() * ROASTS.length)];\n}\n\nasync function ensureTables() {\n await sqlite.execute(`\n CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS channels (\n broadcaster_id TEXT PRIMARY KEY,\n broadcaster_login TEXT,\n se_channel_id TEXT,\n se_jwt_token TEXT,\n enabled INTEGER DEFAULT 1,\n message_count INTEGER DEFAULT 0,\n added_at INTEGER\n )\n `);\n await sqlite.execute(`\n CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS kv (\n key TEXT PRIMARY KEY,\n value TEXT\n )\n `);\n try {\n await sqlite.execute(`ALTER TABLE channels ADD COLUMN se_jwt_token TEXT`);\n } catch {\n // Column already exists — fine.\n }\n try {\n await sqlite.execute(\n `ALTER TABLE channels ADD COLUMN enabled INTEGER DEFAULT 1`,\n );\n } catch {\n // Column already exists — fine.\n }\n try {\n await sqlite.execute(\n `ALTER TABLE channels ADD COLUMN message_count INTEGER DEFAULT 0`,\n );\n } catch {\n // Column already exists — fine.\n }\n}\n\nasync function getKv(key: string): Promise {\n const result = await sqlite.execute({\n sql: \"SELECT value FROM kv WHERE key = :k\",\n args: { k: key },\n });\n // Note: std/sqlite returns rows as arrays, not objects.\n return result.rows.length ? (result.rows[0][0] as string) : null;\n}\n\nasync function setKv(key: string, value: string) {\n await sqlite.execute({\n sql: `INSERT INTO kv (key, value) VALUES (:k, :v)\n ON CONFLICT(key) DO UPDATE SET value = excluded.value`,\n args: { k: key, v: value },\n });\n}\n\nasync function getAppAccessToken(): Promise {\n const cachedRaw = await getKv(\"app_token\");\n if (cachedRaw) {\n const cached = JSON.parse(cachedRaw);\n if (cached.expires_at > Date.now() + 60_000) return cached.access_token;\n }\n\n const res = await fetch(\"https://id.twitch.tv/oauth2/token\", {\n method: \"POST\",\n headers: { \"Content-Type\": \"application/x-www-form-urlencoded\" },\n body: new URLSearchParams({\n client_id: CLIENT_ID,\n client_secret: CLIENT_SECRET,\n grant_type: \"client_credentials\",\n }),\n });\n if (!res.ok) {\n throw new Error(\n `App access token fetch failed: ${res.status} ${await res.text()}`,\n );\n }\n const data = await res.json();\n const token = {\n access_token: data.access_token,\n expires_at: Date.now() + data.expires_in * 1000,\n };\n await setKv(\"app_token\", JSON.stringify(token));\n return token.access_token;\n}\n\nasync function getRandomQuote(\n seChannelId: string,\n seJwtToken: string,\n): Promise {\n try {\n const res = await fetch(\n `https://api.streamelements.com/kappa/v2/bot/quotes/${seChannelId}`,\n {\n headers: {\n Authorization: `Bearer ${seJwtToken}`,\n },\n },\n );\n if (!res.ok) {\n console.error(\n `StreamElements quotes fetch failed for channel ${seChannelId}:`,\n res.status,\n await res.text(),\n );\n return null;\n }\n const data = await res.json();\n const quotes = Array.isArray(data) ? data : data?.quotes;\n if (!Array.isArray(quotes) || quotes.length === 0) {\n console.log(\n `StreamElements returned no quotes array for channel ${seChannelId}:`,\n JSON.stringify(data).slice(0, 200),\n );\n return null;\n }\n const pick = quotes[Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length)];\n const text = pick?.text?.trim();\n if (!text) return null;\n return pick.id != null ? `Quote #${pick.id}: \"${text}\"` : `\"${text}\"`;\n } catch (err) {\n console.error(\"StreamElements fetch error:\", err);\n return null;\n }\n}\n\nasync function sendChatMessage(\n accessToken: string,\n botUserId: string,\n broadcasterId: string,\n message: string,\n) {\n const res = await fetch(\"https://api.twitch.tv/helix/chat/messages\", {\n method: \"POST\",\n headers: {\n \"Client-Id\": CLIENT_ID,\n \"Authorization\": `Bearer ${accessToken}`,\n \"Content-Type\": \"application/json\",\n },\n body: JSON.stringify({\n broadcaster_id: broadcasterId,\n sender_id: botUserId,\n message,\n }),\n });\n const body = await res.json().catch(() => null);\n if (!res.ok || body?.data?.[0]?.is_sent === false) {\n console.error(\n `Failed to send to ${broadcasterId}:`,\n res.status,\n JSON.stringify(body),\n );\n } else {\n console.log(`Sent to ${broadcasterId}: ${message}`);\n }\n}\n\nexport default async function (interval: Interval) {\n await ensureTables();\n\n const botEnabled = await getKv(\"bot_enabled\");\n if (botEnabled === \"0\") {\n console.log(\"Bot is turned off (bot_enabled=0) — skipping this run.\");\n return;\n }\n\n const botUserId = await getKv(\"bot_user_id\");\n if (!botUserId) {\n console.log(\n \"Bot account not authorized yet — visit /auth/bot-setup on the invite val first.\",\n );\n return;\n }\n\n const { rows } = await sqlite.execute(\n \"SELECT broadcaster_id, broadcaster_login, se_channel_id, se_jwt_token, enabled, message_count FROM channels\",\n );\n if (!rows.length) {\n console.log(\"No channels installed yet.\");\n return;\n }\n\n const accessToken = await getAppAccessToken();\n\n for (const row of rows) {\n const broadcasterId = row[0] as string;\n const broadcasterLogin = row[1] as string;\n const seChannelId = row[2] as string | null;\n const seJwtToken = row[3] as string | null;\n const channelEnabled = row[4] === null || row[4] === undefined\n ? true\n : Number(row[4]) === 1;\n const messageCount = row[5] === null || row[5] === undefined\n ? 0\n : Number(row[5]);\n\n if (!channelEnabled) {\n console.log(`Skipping ${broadcasterLogin}: paused for this channel.`);\n continue;\n }\n\n if (messageCount < MIN_NEW_MESSAGES) {\n console.log(\n `Skipping ${broadcasterLogin}: only ${messageCount} new message(s) since last post (need ${MIN_NEW_MESSAGES}).`,\n );\n continue;\n }\n\n if (Math.random() > POST_PROBABILITY) continue;\n\n let message: string | null = null;\n if (seChannelId && seJwtToken && Math.random() < QUOTE_PROBABILITY) {\n message = await getRandomQuote(seChannelId, seJwtToken);\n }\n if (!message) message = getRandomRoast();\n\n console.log(`Posting to ${broadcasterLogin} (${broadcasterId})`);\n await sendChatMessage(accessToken, botUserId, broadcasterId, message);\n\n // Reset the counter now that we've posted — the next post needs\n // another MIN_NEW_MESSAGES worth of fresh chat activity.\n await sqlite.execute({\n sql: \"UPDATE channels SET message_count 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Diff · v19